IF THE GLOVE FITS...

Just when the weekend was fading away with no food for fodder or blah for blogging on the Royal Wedding, what to my wondering eyes should appear but news of a souvenir certain to be remembered - Royal Condoms!  What a crowning achievement in the marketing efforts of those seeking to capitalize on the pocketbooks of all those seeking a remembrance of the special occasion.  

The packaging (which evidently does not come for wearing instructions) does promise that it contains a "triumvirate of regal prophylactics", which are "lavishly lubed" and "regally ribbed".  I must check my dictionary because if a triumvirate is a 3 pack this could be a good buy.  As an American mom of 4 young men, this certainly promises to be quite promising as a royal remembrance; I don't think they were looking forward to tea towels and the china was going to prove cumbersome for the luggage.  And, as I have always told my boys "No Glove, No Love!"  


Pip, pip and cheerio!

PAPER DOLLS FOR A PRINCESS

The royal couple will soon have their own paper dolls.  Yes, Amazon.com has this specialty set available early next week. Who doesn't remember those early years and safety scissors spent at the dining room table while cutting away? According to research, the first commercial paper dolls were created in London in 1810.  One of the most sought after paper doll collection are those of Queen Victoria which were created in mid-1800's.  

How refreshing to see a simpler life.  And the creator of these paper dolls is evidently a career paper doll producer since his collection includes a 20 plus year history available at that great American marketplace  http://www.amazon.com/William-Kate-Paper-Dolls-Commemorate/dp/0486483789%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAJ55PMGYR2QUHVXRA%26tag%3Dgaswarehouse-21%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0486483789

In a world filled with technology and wizardry it is refreshing to see a simple two-dimension memento.  Can't wait to try and cut the feathers on the hat and hope the set qualifies for free super-saver shipping!

U R NVITD

Several news agencies are reporting that the Palace has sent out faxes to dignitaries in lieu of Save The Date cards. Cripes!!! A simple text message would do and would be way cooler. And although I recognize we are in an economic crisis this isn't the regal way! Please explain to me why Prince Charles' eldest would want more trees felled for faxes. And consider the possibility of sending it to the wrong number. Heads might roll over this debacle. Open the Tower and prepare the rooms...I've got to go check my fax machine and make sure it's working!

Who do you want at your wedding - Fergie or I?

As we await news of the official invite list, now is the time to really think who would you want at your wedding - Fergie or I?  Sure I am an unknown and do not have a royal title to announce at the reception, but really people inviting Sarah Ferguson to the Royal Wedding is like inviting Sarah Palin to a tea party - the one with china cups not guns!  There's no telling what might happen.  It could be that Fergie is already having her chapeau designed complete with a James Bond camera and microphone ready to sell to the highest bidder. Rumor has it that Oprah Winfrey is stalling the release of Fergie's new show  "Finding Sarah" on the Oxygen network calling it too boring.  All it would take is one royal reception to turn that show around and raise the ratings through the roof!

Although Fergi has made her apologies let's face it, a financially burdened woman who has access to the Royals might just not be the best invitee.  And although I haven't heard if there is an open bar at the party, my instincts tell me that Fergie enjoys a gin or two.  Just close your eyes and imagine P Diddy at the mike and Fergie on the dance floor.  It's not a pretty visualization.  Yes, I have enjoyed myself at many a social function but not at the expense of those around me; my singular goal has always been to insure that everyone had a good time,.

So move aside Fergie and make room for the rest of us!

Color My Toes with "No More Waity Katie"

Oh my.  Beginning next month I can paint my toes in honor of Kate Middleton.  I must say that this must be a British kind of thing.  The cosmetic company, butter, is launching a new color "No More Waity, Katie" which is going to be "grayish-blue and glitter infused".  Hmmm.  I would think Gold might be a more appropriate hue for the latest Royal lady.  I wonder if this new polish has a shelf life of over 8 years since Kate has had to wait quite some time for her walk down the aisle.  More importantly, I wonder how long a pedicure would last on my feet as I am standing among the thousands in April?

Their web-site is quite hip and makes me wonder if I just might be able to be cool enough to have blue toes.  Certainly my fingernails won't be able to handle such a posh vibrancy - I'm afraid it might enhance my premature age spots.

This is becoming quite fun!  First a fascinator and now blue toes!

http://www.butterlondon.com/lacquers/grid

Fairy Tales Do Come True

As the Royal Wedding looms ever closer, several of my friends and family still can't believe that I'm going to London for the wedding.  Mind you, if they have assumed or any of my gentle readers have assumed, that I falsely believe that I would actually be invited to the event then you are sadly mistaken.  But one can always dream!

And dream I do!  Growing up as the only girl amongst 3 brothers and now the mother of 4 boys, I have always had my "inner princess" to keep my head in the clouds while fists and shouts go around.  After all, my first nickname was "Cindyrella" which was titled to me by my grandmother (whose nickname was Hobble Gobble - now that's another whole blog in and of itself).  As Cindyrella I would prance around with all the grace of a wicked stepsister; no ballet, modeling classes or acting lessons would ever propel me into the world of womanly wiles.  No, I would advance not be stepping on others but leaping and falling over them on my way to the top.  


Yes, dreams and hopes are a wonderful thing!  In my dreams I am a well-groomed lady with young gentlemen for sons who swoon and swoop at my every lady-like command, my husband is my charming prince ready to take care of all my whims and worries and my friends are my ladies-in-waiting who wait for no instructions on my care and needs.  And if dreams can not be the everyday reality, then the Royal Wedding festivities and fever offer us all a chance to not only dream but be a part of the reality.  


A fairy tale for few but a dream come true for everyone!

Chinese China for the English Royals????

Can someone please explain to me why a Chinese company has been selected to produce the royal china to be used at Will and Kate's wedding? 


 http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/7925260-the-royal-wedding-between-william-and-kate-will-be-fine-china

I mean really!  Although Franciscan Desert Rose was the fine china in my youth, it doesn't take a lot of in-depth knowledge to know that the English have always been known for their fine bone china.  Such names as Aynsley, Wedgewood, Portmeiron are all familiar to this American woman.  It is hard to fathom that a company named Guangxi Sanhuan Group has the the same cache or English breeding!  Is this some act of political diplomacy - perhaps a British spy from SIS or MI5 (yes, I do read an occasional novel) is being released in exchange for the selection of a Chinese company?  Or could it be that it's all related to that whole Hong Kong thing that went on over 10 years ago.  (hmm, Hong Kong might be Japan - I always get this stuff confused!)


If you bloody Brits don't watch out, the next thing we will be hearing is that the wedding dress was made in  a foreign factory using child labor!  Or perhaps the carriage will be powered with a Japanese engine and be pulled by the Budweiser Clydesdale horses?  


Stop the madness now before it's too late!

The Tale of the Titular Title - A Noble Gift

With the royal wedding rapidly approaching and reviewing the deep desire to be invited to the wedding festivities, it is time for me to seriously consider my standing.  Although Mrs. may confer a modicum of respect from my sons' friends and my age causes some to question "Will you be using your senior discount, MA'AM" I have to ponder what a true title might bring my way.


Much to my amazement, I have found that royalty is just $197 away!  Yes, you heard me right.  There actually exists a website that sells royal titles:  http://www.regaltitles.com/

 I can easily become a Lady, a Baroness, a Duchess or a Dame (I think Dame sounds quite old - don't you).  And, being the lucky lady (without a capitol L) that I am, if I order today there are FREE bonuses including (a) An Essential Guide to Business Etiquette and (b) Personalized Coat-of-Arms for My Family name.  


Hmmm.   The purchase of the title is said to guarantee a long laundry list,  including:

• Discounts in the consumer world (Big Gulp at 7-11?)
• Prestige in the Financial World (Free ATM fees?)
• A Boost to your Personal Confidence (Like I need that?)
• Opened Doors in Your Career (Leading to the exit?)

My realistic goals would be 

•  to get my seat assignment from Virgin Air - can't access via their web site and not getting a response from SIR Richard  
•  after getting seat assignment, get upgraded to first class 
•  get free hotel upgrade in London and complimentary afternoon tea.  

Methinks I shall save my pennies and pounds for the airplane headset, pillow and blanket!  After all beggars can be baronesses (or can't they?)

A Royal Mating in the Commonwealth

Love and romance is in the air.  And the royal union of Prince Will and Kate isn't the only pairing to take place soon.  Take a trip to the Commonwealth of  Kentucky and you will know that the expectations of royal breeding is no more highly anticipated than in Versailles, Kentucky.  

Zenyatta, the Queen of all horses, is ready to meet her mate.  Like Kate, her days are spent primping and practicing on how to be a great brood mare.  She now resides at Lane's End Farm after her final and only defeat in the Breeder's Cup (19-1).  Zenyatta is the animal Dancing Queen and her pre-breeding primping includes manicured toes and lessons in male attraction. Like many women, now that is she assured all her dreams will come true her days are no longer comprised of long practice runs and she has gained an easy 100 pounds, broadening her rear rump.  Hope that Kate won't fall to that fate!

LINGO BINGO

My trip to London will be here in just over 100 days so it is time I start learning the lingo.  A friend has devised a game for me to play.  Want to play along?

Sorry that I don't know how to move the cursor but this can still be fun on a snowy day! 

KATE SHARES A BIRTHDAY WITH THE KING - ELVIS

According to several posts I have seen, today is Kate's birthday and it is also the birthday of American royalty, Elvis Presley.  Let's see what they both have in common (without the use of 104,000 astrological charts readily available on the internet):

• They were both born to commoners
• They were from small villages
• Both are the oldest child (Elvis the only)
• Their mothers both chew(ed) gum in public
• They both live or will live in the most visited private homes in their countries
• They double-dated with cousins 
• They are both fashion icons
• They both dated their spouses for 7 years prior to engagement
• They both became engaged shortly before Christmas
• Kate will be married on April 29th; Elvis and Priscilla married on May 1
• They both shake their booties

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

OOMPA LOOMPA

Is it true?  Do Will and Kate plan to give away 10 GOLDEN TICKETS to the wedding?  How do I get on the list?  Are my odds better since I have read Willie Wonka about 100 times to my boys when they were growing up?  How about the fact that I can eat lots of chocolate bars?  Do I need to be an English citizen to get a ticket?  How long does it take to become an English citizen?  Does the fact that I want once "detained" for drinking in public mean that I won't pass the security clearnance?  So many questions and so little time - only 113 more days to go!

http://www.theroyalweddingwilliamkate.com/golden-ticket

The Mad Hatter is Fascinating!

It appears that the fashion trend for the Royal Wedding will include lots of fascinators. "A fascinator is a headpiece, a style of millinery.  The word originally referred to a fine, lacy head covering akin to a shawl and made from wool or lace."  The definition, from Wikipedia, could also describe what I had to wear to church through my formative Catholic years.  However, it would be appear that haute couture will soon be arriving to our shores.  


However, as we have seen from the Royal family (as well as our own American royals) the fascinator may appear more appropriate on a movie set than in a cathedral.  Certainly Princess Bea   
appears to have pollinated.  It's probably a good thing that Monarch butterflies normally have a life span of only 2 months in a garden with sufficient nectar.  I would hope that her fascinator has now migrated!

 My Christmas wish list did include a fascinator and my good friend, Cathy Dyer, surprised me with a Winter Wonderland fascinator to call my own:

Obviously I will need a Spring version for the Royal wedding...hint! hint!  Perhaps my friends could have a fascinating fascinator contest.  Since I am no longer allowed to use a hot glue gun I must rely on my more crafty friends for their creations.

My Royal Journey Begins

Each new year always brings new promises and resolutions.  And this year, 2011 is one in which I promise to have fun in a new way.  One of the most exciting events this year will be the Royal Wedding - Prince Will(s) and Kate Middleton.  And, even more exciting is the fact that I am going to London for the wedding!

No, I have not YET been officially invited to the actual ceremony but since this will be my first trip to England and I reside in a former British colony I am certain that the hospitality will be over-whelming.

First, a little about myself.  I am a middle-aged full-time working mother of 4 and married to the same man for over 25 years (shame on you Prince Charles!).  I was the only girl in my family with 3 brothers and now I have 4 sons.  So I was raised a Princess and live like a Queen!  Actually it's not quite that fairy-taleish but regardless, I am a hopeless romantic at heart and having been surrounded by male hormones most of my life I have not had many opportunities to unleash my real "girliness".  And, although this wedding comes at a later time for romaticism in my life I was too busy pursuing my own husband-to-be at the time of Lady Di's wedding.  However, I can remember being glued to the "telly" (working on my English slang - help is appreciated) at a very early hour to watch all the pomp and circumstance. 

I consider myself fairly normal in most respects, perhaps a little more fun-loving than most (albeit without the benefit of drugs or alcohol) and try to savor life without sacrificing the needs of others.  As my 17 year old son will tell you, I am not superb with all technology but think the fact that I am creating my own blog as I begin my Royal journey is a testament to my ability to continue to learn and grow well into my later years (my goodness, the Queen even has a Facebook page).  I even have created a count-down clock that should appear somewhere on this blog; I hope I can find it and you can too.

So the journey to jolly old England begins!  Please join me on the way and any guidance you can provide as I navigate my way will be appreciated. 

Cheerio to next time!