The Tale of the Titular Title - A Noble Gift

With the royal wedding rapidly approaching and reviewing the deep desire to be invited to the wedding festivities, it is time for me to seriously consider my standing.  Although Mrs. may confer a modicum of respect from my sons' friends and my age causes some to question "Will you be using your senior discount, MA'AM" I have to ponder what a true title might bring my way.


Much to my amazement, I have found that royalty is just $197 away!  Yes, you heard me right.  There actually exists a website that sells royal titles:  http://www.regaltitles.com/

 I can easily become a Lady, a Baroness, a Duchess or a Dame (I think Dame sounds quite old - don't you).  And, being the lucky lady (without a capitol L) that I am, if I order today there are FREE bonuses including (a) An Essential Guide to Business Etiquette and (b) Personalized Coat-of-Arms for My Family name.  


Hmmm.   The purchase of the title is said to guarantee a long laundry list,  including:

• Discounts in the consumer world (Big Gulp at 7-11?)
• Prestige in the Financial World (Free ATM fees?)
• A Boost to your Personal Confidence (Like I need that?)
• Opened Doors in Your Career (Leading to the exit?)

My realistic goals would be 

•  to get my seat assignment from Virgin Air - can't access via their web site and not getting a response from SIR Richard  
•  after getting seat assignment, get upgraded to first class 
•  get free hotel upgrade in London and complimentary afternoon tea.  

Methinks I shall save my pennies and pounds for the airplane headset, pillow and blanket!  After all beggars can be baronesses (or can't they?)